A birthday, why is it so important. Why do some like to celebrate and some don’t. A birthday is the first day of a 365 day journey around the sun. The day a new soul was born and brought to earth. The soul created relationships and started it journey. That’s what a birthday means to me.
Today you would’ve turned 46. You would’ve said it’s just another day. It’s nothing special I don’t know why you make a big deal about birthdays. Had I known I would’ve only celebrated 44 of your birthdays I would’ve had a party every time. A huge eleaborate party which you would’ve hated and I would’ve loved. Because your soul was the most special soul I’ve know and should’ve been celebrated.
So today and all your birthdays that will follow, I feel a sense of guilt. I feel guilty because I didn’t know we only had a limited number of birthdays to celebrate. I didn’t know that in a blink of an eye we would only have 1 more left. I never got to throw you that big party that you would’ve hated and got mad at me for, but we would’ve had a great time with friends and family.
I love parties. I love to celebrate. I will celebrate anything really. Because I like to be happy and make others happy. I feel we should always celebrate life. A new soul is born and it should be celebrated. And every year you should celebrate because you have a chance to complete your souls journey. But we never really celebrated your birthday.
I would orcastrate things to celebrate without you knowing it actually was for your birthday. Invite friends out for dinner, or plan a trip to Hawaii for your 40th Birthday and even make you breakfast in bed. All so that we could celebrate you and the day you were born. You would get wind and say did you plan this for my birthday. And I’d say no it was just a coinsidence. I’d tell all our friends to not say anything but just come out with us. Maybe deep down you knew you wouldn’t have too many with us and maybe deep down inside I knew the same.
So now I have guilt every year since you left I feel like I still need to celebrate. Celebrate the memory of you, celebrate your soul and help your soul to its journey.
When we found out you were close to the end. I remember putting our daughter to sleep one night and she was sad. She was quiet and it was the first time I had a real conversation with her about what was going on. I asked her are you sad because you won’t have a dad and everyone else does. And she said yes and started crying. She was only 5 and had so much pain. I mentioned friends that we knew who had lost their dads too and she felt ok but still was sad. I said to her how about we start a tradition. On daddy’s birthday and on Father’s Day we can write on a balloon and send him a message. And then release it to the sky so he can see. You can write whatever message you want. Whatever you want to tell him. She smiled and said I want to do that.
So today we will be sending you a balloon. Written with exciting things we want to share with you. We celebrate you today and hope you are well and enjoying some German chocolate cake in heaven.
We have a fantasy of what birthdays are like I heaven. We believe that everyone celebrates together. So you, your grandfather, your mama, you maternal grandparents and Michael Jackson are all around you celebrating. You have candles on your cake that don’t blow out. You are eating a lot and I mean a lot of really unhealthy things because you can and I am not there to nag you. And your wish is for us to enjoy the day and celebrate today with you.
So today we are celebrating you and hope you will come and celebrate with us too. Look for the balloon and return some messages back to us. Have lots of cake. And celebrate you being one with god.
A friend of mine Sadiq Shivji an aspiring writer, wrote this beautiful poem for us. Please follow him on Instagram @sadiqshivji
Happy 46 birthday to the best father, son, husband, friend, person in general. Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure, you are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure.