I often talk about the void that is left behind from loosing your life partner. As a married couple you find each other’s strengths and use them. The house runs well. Each person has their duties and you go about life. There are also other things that you have in a married couple. Companionship, a true friend who will never talk about you, someone to ask you about your day and have adult conversation with, someone to give you an objective view on something and in my case my husband would always tell me when I was overreacting and being a bitchy girl. Since he’s passed these roles have been filed by other people. It’s funny what 1 person could do is now being done by multiple people.
I have found strengths in others and have places the attributes I need filled with these people. For instance I have a few friends who I know are very electronically inclined, so when I have TV issues or computer issues or need to purchase another electronic these are my go to people. I have friends that I use as sounding boards and tell my feelings to and trust with my deepest secrets. I have my family who I rely on for help with Z and advice on a day to day basis. As for companionship I get that from Z and from friends and family. If the next Mr Right finds me then all good and if not then no
One of the spots I have not filled is the spot of Z father. It’s something I feel no one else can be. She had a dad. He is no longer here physically but we know he is near and guiding us. If or when I start to date or even think about it, the man who comes into my life will know he is not her father. He is a male role model for her but not her father. And if she chooses to call him daddy or dad that is on her. But I will never force it.
But yet there as still voids. Places and times when she does need a father. For instance when we started playing hockey. Poor girl she got a mom who is not sporty at all. It would’ve been nice if her dad was around to share this with her. Those first few practices were so hard. It was the blind leading the blind. She would cry and I would cry. But he listened. God or maybe even her dad listened. Saw our pain. We get put on a team with a guy who my husband played hockey with growing up. Z felt comfortable right away he took her under his wing and thought her how to play.
And so here we are today. I am sitting on the steps of my house crying. Crying tears of sadness and tears of joy.
A week ago a very special friend of ours sent me a message. Do you think Z would like to go with me to the Father Daughter Gala. I read the text and started crying. I always thought about these things and thought what would I do if something like this came up at school. I have lots of male friends I can draw on. But how would she feel getting this notice and seeing all her friends excited and her not knowing what to do, or who will come. Right now I don’t have to tell her about it if I hear but in the future she will see these things and feel sad. She won’t say anything to me Bc she won’t want to make me sad. But these things will come up and how will we deal with it.
So to this friend I said, I will ask her if she is ok with it. I asked her and she said who will be the dad. And I mentioned our friends name. And she said oh yeah. I would love to go with him.
It takes a special person to see a father daughter gala and think of a little girl who doesn’t have a father to take to it. The role was filled. The void was gone. And she got to live and enjoy and be a part of something I’m not sure she could’ve.
Thank you to all theses experts. You mean more then the world to me.
And to my special friend and his wife. You have always held a special place in my heart. We have been through hell and back. You guys have always been by my side. But this … left me speechless and made me love you even more.